District Sleeps Alone Tonight

is it wrong?

to feel clingy once in a while? or is it just too much? forgive me that i have a constant need to be with you. maybe it’s because we’ve been spending too much time together, it makes it hard to take a break even for a couple of hours.

but, today and a bit of last week. i felt out of place. maybe that’s why i need you by my side. it seemed like i was pushed back into my little shell of shyness. the little shell, i tried to break out of. where i have to defend myself and try to mingle with people i don’t really know. though, i asked to myself why weren’t you by my side? to help me break out of my shy shell? it’s when i needed you the most. sometimes, i think you forget i’m around. leaving me to be that girlfriend who never leaves his side. i don’t want to be that kind of person but, it happens, when i feel pushed back into an awkward place that i can break out of.

hopefully this post made sense if not, sorry it’s not what my mind can say through typing.

so happy together

i know the last post was kind of an emotional one because of our non-communicative distance. the reason behind that was he was working and drunk the other night. but, all is forgiven and no harm was done.

within the past couple of days, i came to a conclusion that you’ve been a big part of my life. where people will always talk about us but, never understood why we click so much. sure, we may have our differences and the bickering but, we fight and push through to make us stronger. for some, no one would truly understand our bond, our chemistry that we built together. no one can fully understand why we’re always together 24/7 , acting like a married couple as some would say. it’s because we get along pretty good and that it’s just us when we’re together. no faking , no pretending. everything is real.

it’s probably the reason why i’m starting to fall for you , all over again. but, obviously, i don’t know where this relationship is heading. what i do know is that i’m in it for the ride and we’ll see together how far we’ll go. the other day got me thinking how lucky i am to be with my best friend. we’re so different yet, we’re able to make each other laugh. something i’m glad we both have. you say the cutest things sometimes and you have always yet to please me. i’m glad that we got to meet and stayed close until now.

i can’t imagine my life without you. cliche as it sounds but, it’s true. you’ve made a big impact in my life. everything we do is cheesy and i wouldn’t have it any other way. you’re my best friend who always have my back and understands where i’m coming from. you’re my boyfriend who always loves me unconditionally and enjoys my company. you’re someone i can’t seem to let go because i enjoy everything we’ve done together. with all our crazy adventures, unforgettable memories and so much more.

i want to thank you for being apart of my life as i am in yours. you are truly the best in my book and i think no one can ever replace you. i know what i said above is cheesy and so common to hear from someone who loves their boyfriend way too much but, it’s true and more than just lovey dovey boyfriend-girlfriend stuff.

mahal na mahal na mahal  kita, babe. always and forever :D

nothing but, silence

Did I do something wrong for you not to contact/talk to me anymore? I know the other day went horrible they lead us to a non-communicated couple.

This is already day two and there’s nothing said between us since that night. I feel like you’re avoiding me when I need you with all of this mess is going around. But, once I thought of something. That once the rest of your family comes in, I feel like it’s over for us. You will be too busy to spend time with me or when you do spend time with me, it’s not YOU and ME. It’s YOU and ME , PLUS.

So hopefully the rest of today, we will have some type of contact. If not then, I will just sit here and wait, until I hear something from you. As for the future, I hope we can still be together no matter how many times in my mind I wanted to cut the strings.

The one thing I want from you is to never let go of our promises.

this no longer feels like home

Can we just please go back to just the four of us? Mom, Dad, Derrick and I. Three, exactly with Derrick living off in San Diego. I want that back. I want what we use to have, a whole house just for our family. My own bathroom, the kitchen swarmed with all my favorite treats and foods, blasting music as loud as I can , etc. 

This was all back before I became a real teenager. Before the borders have settled and ruined this house, I call home. With two years down and probably another three with them, my family has went through horrible times, financially of course. It wasn’t like this when they settled. Wasn’t like this at all.

My point it from what I’m trying to express here, is that I cannot stand what this house is going through. Everything is in boxes, my parents are late to every bill , my college/career is at risk, deprived from cell and television, etc. I will admit that the blame is all on those who settled in and never left.

No wonder , I want to move so badly. As of now, I just want to break, punch, rip everything out of me but, I know no one would understand where I’m coming from. This place sucks fucking ass and I wish it gets better but, reality, it’s not. GREAT.

I can almost say FML but, I won’t. I could probably be in a worse place than now.